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Cleaning Out Your Inner House

So a week before Scott and I were leaving the house we had been renting in Florida I thought, there’s not much to pack up or clean out…. it should only take me a day or two! But as I started pulling things out of cupboards, dressers, and drawers, I couldn’t believe how much we had in the house and had accumulated in the short 4 months we were there.

I clearly remember looking at the kitchen 2 days before we had to be out with stuff piled on every last space of counter, garage an absolute disaster and not knowing how we were going to do it all. I literally stopped and just looked and told myself to remember that moment. As it’s the best analogy for when we first start down this path of transformation, unraveling the old and creating the new.

There’s always more to unpack then we think. So much tucked away in nooks and crannys that we can’t see as we operate with our every day eyes. Until we start opening them up and pulling stuff out. In the midst of pulling it all out and really opening it all up, it can feel so overwhelming that you don’t know how you are going to do it. You want to throw your hands up and just walk away. The intensity builds and builds and suddenly you are running from room to room but feeling like you are going no where.

But you know what I said to myself after staring at the disaster for a few moments? It’s just going to take one piece at a time. One cupboard at a time. One nook and one cranny at at time. I can’t tackle it all at once. I can’t focus on all the parts that need cleaned up. I have to do item, by item, by item, room by room, and box by box, keeping my attention only on the part I’m working on in that moment.

After 2 days of keeping this focus, not allowing myself to go to overwhelm, and taking it step by step, I stared at that same kitchen, all packed up and us ready for the next adventure of life.

I stared and thought to myself, this is the journey. Unpacking more than you think, taking one step at a time, feeling the joy of letting go, being in flow, feeling all the feelings, and then always getting ready for the next adventure!

If this is you right now, if you are in the midst of opening ALL the cupboard doors and dressers and drawers, just know that you can do it. Even when it feels overwhelming, you can do it.

One step at a time, one piece at a time, one messy kitchen at a time

Oh and P.S. btw….you don’t have to do it alone! That’s why I created The Freedom Project….so you don’t have to. Message me, email me, text me! And lets clean out your inner house together

source https://thefreedomproject222.com/cleaning-out-your-inner-house/

What I Have Learned…

After attending many meditation retreats and doing endless amounts of “inner work” in the last four years, I feel it is my responsibility to share some of what I have discovered on this path of self discovery.

First off, I most definitely don’t have it all figured out yet. I don’t know that we ever do as long as we exist in this 3D plane. But I have seen the direct impacts of this spiritual work in my life and hopefully, with my sharing, can help at least one person who is in the middle of crossing the crazy, wild river we call life!

I gathered up what I thought were some definite lessons that have impacted me and my life the most in the last 4 years. So, here goes:

That wild river of change that you are crossing? Yeah, it doesn’t end when you get to the other side. In fact, after a short reprieve on land, you have an even bigger river to cross! And then another and another. And each time the river gets wilder and crazier and every time you make it to the other side, it’s even more exhilarating, even more freeing. Healing is a lifetime. So have patience with yourself, understand there is no magic pill, and enjoy the freaking ride, as crazy as it can be!
We didn’t come here to use mystical moments or out of body experiences as an escape from life. We came here to have those moments only add to our human experience and to remember who we truly are. When I first began this inner journey and after having my first huge awakening experience, I didn’t want to operate in the “3D”. I only wanted to stay in the 5D and not have to deal with any of the day to day nuances of being human. I was on a chase that wouldn’t end. And for 6 months it’s as if I was walking on a different plane all together. But that also meant I had a hard time functioning in the 3D world. It also meant in some ways I was using it as an escape from life. I had a meditation the other day where a voice said to me (in the most sweetest of voices I have ever heard!), “silly humans, you didn’t come here to escape life, you came here to fully embrace it!” Such a simple statement and yet so profound. I see so many people chasing the mystical, only to be using it as some form of their own escape. I can honestly tell you the best part about the mystical experiences I have now, only enhance my human experience further. At this point in my lifetimes, I am not a monk on a mountain side. And I don’t choose to be. I now can fully embrace my humanness and something as silly as playing cards lights up my whole body! I heard someone say recently (this is my new favorite!) that out of every 1000 souls, one gets to come experience being human. How lucky are we!!!! So realize, that while the mystical, crazy, whacky, heart opening experiences are A-MAZ-ING, so is playing cards
And you can have both!
Don’t give your power away to anyone. That also includes whoever you may think is your guru. I say this because I can honestly say I was guilty of this for a long time when first coming into this work. I thought if I could just get near these spiritual teachers, or work for them, or gain their acceptance or approval, then somehow……well, I don’t even know what to be honest! And if it weren’t for a very big realization I had, this would have remained a very big blind spot for me. This can be subtle or it can be massive and it can be completely unconscious. But realize if you are in any part thinking any guru is going to save you or fix you or give you the right or wrong answer, you are still missing a very big part of this work. Which is taking your power back. I remember when I first starting reading spiritual books and meditating, it became a huge dividing line between my then husband and I, who didn’t want anything to do with any kind of woowoo stuff, let alone liked me doing it. I so desperately wanted someone to give me the answer to my problem. I thought, if I could just talk to someone more “enlightened” than me and ask this question, “what do I do about my crappy, non supportive husband?” then all will be solved! I’ll do exactly what he or she says and everything will be ok. I never got to ask that question, because the answer wasn’t in anyone else. It was within me. And I had to go on a very personal search to find it. And I did. And my life has never been the same since. So always take the teachings, not the person.
The unknown will never let you down. Ever. Ever. EVER. Please, if you have the chance to leap, then leap. Do that thing that is burning inside your soul. See it in your mind, walk into with your eyes open. And leap. The universe will ALWAYS support you when you are stepping towards your highest calling. When you are giving your medicine to the world! Don’t think….just leap.
Being new to a spiritual path isn’t a detriment, it’s an advantage. So use it to your advantage! You don’t have all the beliefs and ideas of what spirituality is supposed to look like. What a “pop” is or what energy movement feels like or what “enlightenment” looks like. Be the innocent, curious person you were as a child. And for those of you that have been studying this kind of work for 20, 30, 40, years, maybe it’s also time to let go of that identity and those beliefs and also become a curious, innocent child again:-) Forget that you think you “know” it all and be open to something new coming in.
But more important than anything else, at the end of the very crazy days, it really is just love and oneness. That’s all there is. That is the only real truth. I’ve had enough experiences now to honestly tell you that the amount of love there is beyond what we can see, feel, hear, touch, taste, and smell, is beyond anything we can even comprehend. There is nothing to be afraid of. It is only just love.

source https://thefreedomproject222.com/what-i-have-learned/

Following Your Heart At All Costs…

I share this photo of my home-made Mother’s Day card not to brag or show how amazing my daughter is (even though she really is!) but to show what is possible when you listen to your heart.

It’s been almost 4 years since I left my previous life, including my two kids, and moved across the country.
A decision, at the time, absolutely no one in this world understood or agreed with. Including them. I mean, what kind of a mother leaves her two children and moves across the country with a man she just met? And how could I explain something that I didn’t quite understand at the time, and yet had an absolute knowing it was what I had to do.
Easy to look at from the outside and not be able to fathom how a mom could move that far away from her kids, leaving an entire life behind.

And as I sit here writing this, the day after Mother’s Day, after just coming back from spending the weekend with them where my old life was, my heart could not be more full. I could not be more grateful for every single step that was taken along the way.

When I shout to the world and to the people that go through our Beyond Limits Course, to follow your heart, to go after your dreams and visions, to make hard decisions, no matter what ANYONE around you thinks, I don’t say that to sound good. I say it because I fucking did it.

While making that decision to change my life was one of the hardest things to do, it was also one of the easiest. Even though all the voices on the outside and all the voices I had heard growing up said I was making a huge mistake and was going to ruin my kids, I had a deeper inner knowing that it is what I HAD to do. Not just for me, but for them. To actually show my kids what following your heart looked like, even if it was the hardest path to follow.

It took many steps to get here, to this letter, and to this place with them 4 years later. Lots of tears, lots of moments of wanting to give up, lots of uncomfortable conversations. But nonetheless we are here. My relationship with my kids is not just the best it has ever been, THEY are the best they have ever been. I am able to see them, not through the lens of them being MY kids, but through the lens of the amazing people and souls they are.

They get to see what strength and courage actually look like…..not just sounds like. They got to see first hand how hard it can be to follow your heart….and how beautiful it is on the other side of it. They got to see someone having a bigger vision for their life and then actually following through with it.

And most importantly, they now get to understand why. They see not just the person I am now, but the hundreds of people I have and will continue to help change their own lives. I am the living, breathing example of what is possible in your life when you listen, against all odds, against everyone you have ever known and loved, and just take the step.

It starts with just one step. LISTEN to that voice. It is always talking to you….you just have to get quiet enough to listen.

And then when you can finally start to hear it, you MUST leap. You must jump, even when you are terrified, even when you don’t know what’s on the other side.

Because I am proof. My kids are proof. What’s waiting on the other side of that leap of faith, is only always ever…..just love.

Your life is waiting for you. Right on the other side of all that that fear or indecision. The question is, are you finally ready for it?

source https://thefreedomproject222.com/following-your-heart-at-all-costs/

Feel the fear…and do it anyway

I remember clearly the moment I was starting to experience something massive move through my body in a walking mediation and was terrified and didn’t want to let go, or let it in. But I did it anyways. I let go.

And a moment later had the single biggest life changing moment of my life.

I remember clearly the moment I was about to walk out of the door of my house, of my marriage, of my life and was absolutely terrified. But I did it anyways.

And 3 weeks later, the person I was always supposed to be with in this life, my person, finally walked in.

I remember clearly the moment when my son said he wanted to live with his dad and not move clear across the country with me. And I was absolutely terrified…and devastated. But I said ok anyway.

And 3 years later my son and I have the most amazing relationship and he is helping other people understand the work that I teach.

I remember clearly the moment I hit the “post” button on my very first blog post, baring my soul and sharing my story for the world to read….including all those I believed that would judge me in doing so. But I hit post anyway.

And 3 years later I proudly share those blog posts for the world to read and now have people write me telling me how much those stories helped them change their life.

I remember clearly the moment I was about to have my first Supernatural Tour interview via zoom with a beautiful couple and I was scared shitless. But I hit start meeting anyway.

And now, 2 and a half years later, we are about to launch our very own Freedom Project TV doing hundreds of interviews with people who have changed their lives through doing our course and stories of inspiration.

I remember so very clearly the moment we were about to “launch” the Freedom Project to the world, not having any idea what we were really doing or where it would go or if we were ready and I was terrified. But we hit post anyway.

And now 2 years later, we have had over 100 students go through our course, we have grown and developed and gotten REALLY good at walking people through massive change. But more importantly, I get to watch first hand the bravery of people pushing those very same edges all while being completely terrified. And changing their lives while doing so.

I remember all of those moments so clearly, I can close my eyes and be there. And I remember those feelings of hesitation, terror, fear, and excitement. I also very clearly remember the feelings on the other side of “doing it anyway”. Some came right away, some came a little later. But they were always all the same. Expansion, joy, love, laughter, freedom, strength, clarity, confidence, and true lasting happiness.

My story can be yours. I’m no different than you except for I feel those feelings and I “do it anyway”.
That edge is what is standing in your way right now of everything you dream of having and dream of being.

That edge is what gets you to believe your own limiting thoughts and reasons why you can’t.
But I’m telling you, YOU CAN. In fact you must. Feel those feelings, hear those thoughts….

And do it anyway……

source https://thefreedomproject222.com/feel-the-fear-and-do-it-anyway/

September Inspirations

We have all witnessed quite a range of reactions to the world around us lately. More than ever it has become clear to me that the only reaction that matters is my own.

Fear has ramped up its staff and offers an enormous buffet to choose from, if that’s the table you choose to sit at. No judgement here, if you found yourself taking a bite or going back for a third plate, you’re not alone. I have sat at that table myself. The human mind unvisited is heavily wired to avoid pain at all costs with little understanding of what is actually creating that pain and virtually no emphasis on what may bring genuine, lasting happiness. It has become very popular to joke about 2020 and how it’s been a year of complete chaos. While there is humor in some of this, what’s happening around you ultimately only affects you as much as you decide it will.

For context, I’d like to share with you a brief overview of what my journey this year has consisted of. My mother, who embodies love more than any human I’ve ever met was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s at 59 years young. The industry I worked in took a massive blow, causing the majority of my family who has worked relentlessly for years and years to find themselves laid off. The end of a 14-year relationship with my partner. Oh, and apparently a pandemic as well.

Did fear show up in each of these moments? Absolutely, but do you know what else showed up for me?

An entirely new understanding of what is on the other side of life as we know it. The realization that all I ever wanted for my mom is to be happy, no matter what that looks like. She smiles and laughs with me every single day. In a strange turn of events, there has been so much beauty in this transition for my mother. She has become childlike again, she just wants to enjoy herself and we’ve found a thousand ways to make sure that happens. She doesn’t worry about the bills, schedule, or to-do list anymore. To watch the parent/child rolls reverse and to see the look in my mother’s eyes knowing she has complete trust in me brings me to tears. I’ve stepped into a power that required processing the pain and marching forward with love, because that is the only thing that can create what we both need right now.

Much of my family’s life was sustained on careers that they hated. After being laid off, I was eventually offered a chance to return to my previous position I had for the last decade. Because I allowed myself a little time to look into my heart, I rejected the offer, knowing it was time to step into something that I’m meant for. By allowing space in the absence of my previous career, things that words cannot describe have shown up in my life. People, experiences and opportunities that truly fuel my soul.

While I know of no way to unravel a 14-year relationship without facing heavy realities, if it is done from the heart, what follows will match that vibration. I see my previous partner as a beautifully unique soul with his own journey, not an extension of what I believe will complete me. To love someone enough to look them in the eyes and say I think we both are looking for more in this life is an entirely different level of compassion for another than holding onto them because of the comfort they bring you.

My understanding of love, for myself and for another, has completely transformed. To truly love someone means wanting what is absolutely best for each individual, no matter what that looks like for you personally. Then allowing them the opportunity to pursue their dreams without attaching your own lower frequency needs to the equation. Often people look at the end of a relationship and tell themselves that was a waste of many years. I can say with the purest love in my heart, my time was not wasted. I was blessed to know a soul in a way no one else ever will, and to have someone know a version of me that only existed in our time together. As we said goodbye, he kept repeating to me “thank you for everything you’ve done”. We love each other enough to embody it even through separation. There was no wasted time there.

I share my recent experiences to serve as a reminder that we have the opportunity to perceive everything we encounter however we choose to. This is some of what I have navigated this year, and because of what I have chosen to see, it has been the best year of my life thus far.

What has shown up for you lately? How did you choose to embrace these things? The world itself is constantly undergoing massive shifts and all of this starts from within each individual soul. I see these times as a reminder to pause every unconscious response I have and to look deeper into my own heart. I saw by not reacting to the world around me, the world itself did not suffer from my absence. In fact, it benefitted. When you are clear on who you are and you let love guide the way, you can bring forward an entirely different, gracefully empowered version of yourself.

2020 has presented all of us many opportunities to decide who we want to be. When it is all said and done, it is only as chaotic as you allow it to be. 2020 is not out to get you, it is yours for the taking. I send love to each of you, knowing we all have our own journeys to navigate. Allow the pause. Take time to sit with your thoughts and dreams. Know that you get to choose in every single instance who you want to be and how you want to perceive the world around you.

source https://thefreedomproject222.com/september-inspirations/

Confession #19

Your Why + Your Will = Your Success

When I was in the thick of withdrawal from opiate pain pill addiction, there was one thing that kept going through my mind. YOU HAVE TO GET THROUGH THIS.

If you have never been through any kind of withdrawal, I’m here to tell you, it’s literally hell on earth. I’ve pushed two children out of me, which is the most unbearable pain you can imagine….and it has nothing on withdrawal. Withdrawal is more than just physical pain. It’s a total and complete mind fuck.

You think you have problems controlling your thoughts now? Try battling those thoughts moment after moment after moment just to survive. Thoughts that include, you are going to feel this way your whole life, you will never get past this, you will be an addict your whole life, you are completely fucked up, there are literally bugs crawling inside your body right now, all you have to do is take one little piece to make this all stop, why don’t you just find a gun and put it to your head and then it can all go away.

But along with the mind fuck, the sensations in your body are indescribable. Your shaky, sick to your stomach, hot, cold, you can’t breathe, it feels like constant electrical pulses on top of all of your skin and a million bugs crawling on the inside of your skin. It feels like your body is going to explode and then implode and at times you wish it would.

I would try and distract myself with a movie, deep breathing, meditation. It was a joke. There was NOTHING that was going to get me out of this. I would try and feel the sensations deeper thinking that would make it go away. But I also did it as a reminder. To never forget what I was going through….and how it would feel to get to the other side.

For some reason I have always had the belief that if you can just make it through the night, things are always better in the morning. Well, I don’t know if I felt any better that next morning, but I made it through the night without putting a bullet through my brain. And more importantly, without taking any pills.

I remember texting my friend at one point the next day, getting close to my desperation point, telling her I didn’t know how much longer I could hold out, that I felt weaker by the second. I will never forget what she told me. Something I still tell myself to this day. She said, “You are wrong my dear….you are actually getting stronger with every second that passes.”

She was right. I was getting stronger by the moment. See, I had the pills in my purse the whole time. I could have ended the withdrawal at any time. But you want to know why I didn’t? Would I couldn’t? Because of my why and my will.

I talk about the withdrawal as an example of how those two things together can move mountains. Most people told me I wouldn’t be able to just cold turkey myself after a ten year addiction to pain pills. That the withdrawal would last for months and I would have all kinds of crazy side effects. That I should just slowly wean myself off to “be safe”.

But my why was bigger than that. And my will would get me there.

I knew that if I wanted to become the person I was supposed to be, the person I was put on this planet to be, there was no way she could be birthed with this part of her holding on. My vision for my life was big. And the shame of being an addict was no longer going to rule my life. I was going to get through it, whatever it took, so I could help millions of others that felt stuck, scared, and desperate. So that I could help show them the way out of all of those things. So that I could change the world. And that person was not addicted to pain pills. She was fearless and didn’t let anything stand in her way.

That was two years ago. I’ve not had a moment since then where I have felt the need to take a pill. The thing that still holds my feet to the fire to this day, is my why. I have always had a massive amount of willpower. Some could say I’m stubborn, but I like to call myself driven J But the point is, you can have will power and that may get you to a certain point. But if you don’t have a why, you will never be truly fulfilled. You can work out every day, eat the healthiest foods, write hundreds of books, or get up at the same time every morning. But if you don’t have a why, none of those things will make a difference. True success is having your why, your own personal deeper purpose, and then the will power to make it happen.

I’m not saying in any way that this is what all people need to do to stop their addiction. In fact, I’ve asked myself so many times, how in the hell did I get through that? But I truly believe that thoughts are things and they are what create your experience on this earth. So my belief in myself and my bigger vision allowed me to do what many said I couldn’t.

I remember telling myself a few days after getting through the worst of it that if I could make it through that, I could make it through anything. That I would be absolutely fearless in my life and that I would never forget those moments. Well, while I still have fears that hold me back and things I am always working through, I am pretty damn fearless in my pursuit to change the world. And what better why can you have than that…

source https://thefreedomproject222.com/confession-19/

Confession #18

“Breathing is the first act of life and the last. Our very life depends on it. Since we cannot live without breathing, it is tragically deplorable to contemplate the millions and millions who have never mastered the art of correct breathing.” -Joseph Pilates

Frequency. Energy.

Let’s talk about this for a minute and break it down. How does it affect us? How does it affect our lives? What does it even mean?

Well, I like to keep things simple, so here is an easy explanation. You know those days that you feel crappy, pissy, moody, as though nothing can go your way? I’m sure you have heard the phrase, when it rains it pours. You know how when you are feeling that way it seems like the world is against you? Or let’s look at the opposite end of that. Think about the days that you wake up feeling unbelievable, as though nothing can touch you. “Good luck” seems to pour down from the heavens above you. It’s as though everything you touch turns to gold. That the world is for you.

But what if you looked at those situations and instead of giving your power away to some “outside forces”, what if you realized and took full responsibility for your own energy. Your own frequency. What if I told you there are no outside forces beyond your own? And your connection to a bigger part of you. I think most who read my blog would tend to agree with this and understand it on an intellectual level. You create your reality, right?

But what I see all too often is people understanding this, but not really fully comprehending how it affects every second of their lives. Or worse yet, not applying it.

We can all agree that where your attention goes, your energy flows. Meaning wherever your frequency is, at any given moment, dictates what you “see” in your outside world. It can be as simple as wanting a white Chevy pickup and seeing them everywhere you go, to having the perfect partner show up in your life, to your bank account showing millions.

What I am trying to say is that if you aren’t aware in every moment where your frequency or energy is, how do you expect what you “want” to show up in your life?

If you think about the two examples I gave in the beginning, you can see how very opposite those two frequencies are. One creates stress, anger, powerlessness, disease, unhappiness. The other creates joy, happiness, health, wholeness, things showing up out of the blue. See, you think you can’t control your emotions most of the time or that things happen TO YOU. But if you were to really realize the power you hold inside of you to literally create your reality, I bet you would be checking in with yourself more often.

So, let’s look at this in a real time example. Say you had started your day off with a great meditation or work-out or journaling session or whatever you do in the mornings that make you feel full. And because you did, you start your day off at a high frequency. You are feeling empowered, full of a future vision of the day and your life. Seeing all the possibilities the future holds and what you want to create in your life. But then all of a sudden you get a phone call from your boss, who you don’t get along with, that sucks you back down. Or you open your mail and see a bill for the exact amount you have in your savings that you have been working on building for the last couple of months. Or you go to the doctor and he tells you your cancer has progressed. THIS is your moment of reckoning. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where it actually matters to know where your frequency is, and most importantly, how to change it. But you can’t change it if you aren’t aware of it. So your first decision is if you want to give your power away. If you want to let the “outside world” determine how you feel and what your internal world looks like. If you choose not to allow your energy to be taken away, you then have a second step…keeping your frequency elevated. And you know what your number one tool for being able to do that is? Your.Own.Breath. That’s right. You can actually use your breath to keep yourself in a higher frequency, in a higher state. To keep your energy up regardless of what is happening around you! To become extremely present. Most people don’t even realize that the number 8 element on the periodic table is actually their best tool in creating health, wealth, happiness, and joy!

Now, I could go into all of the details of how breathing consciously and intentionally allows you to enter your parasympathetic nervous system, turning off fight or flight, moving oxygen rich blood and cells throughout your entire body stimulating rest and digest along with some powerful self-healing. But I don’t want you to get bogged down with the details (you can work with me one on one for that:-) ). I just want you to take a moment and realize how powerful your own breath is.

Think about most modalities that are taught in life. Lamaze classes. Breathing to stay on top of pain. Martial arts. Breathing to stay focused. Meditation. Breathing to connect. Almost all healing modalities as well as spiritual traditions focus on some aspect of using your own breath. And the best part? Breath work is twofold. It is amazingly powerful in releasing stored energy, old emotions and subconscious beliefs, so you can direct your life in a conscious way. But it’s just as effective for regulating day to day. Just taking a minute every couple hours throughout the day to consciously breathe, big, deep, slow breaths, filling your body with oxygen, can change your entire frequency….which can change your entire life. Instead of taking a xanax to deal with anxiety or a sleeping pill just to get some rest, you can literally use your own supply of oxygen to get the same result. I know because I have seen it over and over again.

Now how does this go back to energy and frequency? If you are spending more hours of your day in a conscious and aware state, appreciating everything around you, feeling joy for the simple things, I can guarantee you, your frequency and energy will bring everything you desire. Because when you are in that state, you don’t need anything anyway. And what is the number one tool you have, that is free, that there is no lack of, that can change your energy in a matter of minutes? I think you know the answer to that by now.

So take a few minutes today to really breathe. Focus on your heart and take every breath in and out of it. Prove to yourself once and for all, how powerful you really are…

source https://thefreedomproject222.com/confession-18/

Confession #17

After watching the Brene Brown special on Netflix recently (for the fourth time) I have been forced to think about vulnerability and courage in my own life. Two words she talks about in length. Some may think they are opposite ends of the spectrum, but after allowing yourself to move fully into either one of those, you will quickly find that it is impossible to have one without the other. Those two things are so intertwined that they cannot be separated.

Something came up recently that brought those two words to the forefront…..what if we just all did those hard things. What if we just went for it and had those hard conversations. Maybe it’s the conversation with your partner about how alone you feel. Maybe it’s with a friend that you just know isn’t good for you anymore. Maybe it’s that you need to leave a marriage you knew you should have left years ago. Maybe it’s with your boss about how miserable you are at your job. So, what would that look like?

I think most of the time we tell ourselves a lie about “not wanting to hurt” the other person. The lie that continues the perpetual pattern of not speaking your truth. But in my honest opinion, it has nothing to do with the other person. It is all about protecting ourselves. About staying “safe” in our comfort/misery/fear. We are terrified of the unknown and what having those conversations may mean or who may not “like us”. What would really happen if we spoke from our hearts. And if we are being completely honest, what we are most scared of is what may happen to US…not the other person. Which obviously doesn’t serve anyone in those situations. Let me ask you this. If your partner was feeling like they couldn’t be with you anymore, would you want them to stuff that down? To hold those feelings from you and just go through the motions, knowing deep inside the resentment continues to build? Would you want a friend that secretly feels like you are toxic for them and is silently figuring out ways to severe the friendship? As hard as those losses may be, would you really want the person to stay quiet because of fear? I know I wouldn’t.

Now, I’m not saying go tell your boss tomorrow you despise her or him and can’t stand working for them. But what if you just finally had a real conversation, from your inner being, speaking your truths. Being honest about what it really feels like to work for her or him. As I see it, there are only two outcomes anyway. Outcome one, she fires you, on the spot. You go home and are overwhelmed with fear and guilt for a few days. Then a couple of days later, you get a random phone call from a friend telling you about your dream job that just opened and…you get it. Or, outcome two, your boss, who was terrified herself of being vulnerable, thanks you for being so open and honest. In fact, she is so impressed, she is promoting you and you guys open up an amazing, commutative, relationship. You also now have your dream job.

Now, wouldn’t either of those scenarios be worth it? Wouldn’t all those fears you had made up in your mind be proven to be, of course, completely false? There’s something that Jim Carrey said while doing a commencement speech along the lines of, most people don’t know the difference between a dog that is chasing you in your mind and one that actually is in real life. This is why our minds can be so tricky and tempting to listen to. But the more you are able to just do “those things”, those things you are terrified of doing, of saying, of feeling, the more that the universe just opens up to you and brings more opportunity and joy into your life. I know this because I have seen it time and time again in my own life, when I have chosen to not let the dog that was chasing me in my mind to control me any longer.

I think this is what true vulnerability and courage is. To open ourselves up to the unknown. To do or say something without knowing what the outcome may be, but sticking to what we feel in our hearts anyway. To follow your heart unapologetically. To be willing to always go within and put a mirror to those sides of us we have tried to keep hidden for so long. And then share all of that with someone you love.

Because I have lived through it, I can tell you without a doubt that living in limbo or indecision is much more painful and heartbreaking than any outcome that may come from doing or saying those hard things. It is brave to make a decision to speak your truth. I couldn’t think of a better explanation for what courage is!

So ask yourself today, what have you been holding back? Is it time to tell your friend enough is enough? Is it time to choose you today instead of giving away everything you have to everyone else? Is it time to take the leap into the unknown of creating your dream career? Or maybe it’s just telling your husband you need more from him. Maybe it’s telling someone you are dating that you just don’t think it’s going to work. Or better yet, maybe it’s lovingly telling your sister to mind her own business:-)

Whatever it may be for you, I challenge you to get into the arena instead of just being a commentator on the sidelines. Be willing to get dirty and get the shit kicked out of you. Because the only way to feel the joy of mastery in your own life, is to be willing to step through the doors…

source https://thefreedomproject222.com/confession-17/

Confession #16

“Owning your story is the bravest thing you will ever do.” -Brene Brown

“It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for something you are not.” -Andre Gide

Coming out of the closet. What does that mean to you when you hear those words? Most people would assume it means someone who is gay or bisexual “coming out”….telling their friends and family who they really are. I recently watched an episode of American Idol and there were two young men auditioning that shared their own personal stories of being gay and the pain they have felt with fully living that life. One of the man’s father was a preacher. He had grown up in the church but knew at 9 years old he was gay. He even tried to “pray the gay away”, as he was raised with the belief that being gay meant eternal damnation. He lived with that secret for 10 years, giving in to the fact at one point that he would just never get to live the life he dreamt of. And even after finally telling his parents he is gay, they still will not accept or be ok with him living his truth. He was broken, and music was his only escape from the pain. The other young man had not even told his parents. In fact, he was “coming out” on national television and only when his family watched the show would they know his truth. He was raised in Israel and once he was able to get out of the house, he moved to California to finally be able to live an open and free life.

I tell these two stories because it hit me watching them that night that we are all coming out of the closet in some way in our own lives. We all hold that truth inside of us that we are scared to share with the world, with our friends, and most importantly, our family. I saw how that reflected in my own life and realized I had always been a “spiritual person” deep down inside. I had always known my own truths that I was too afraid to share with people. Always covering myself up with having lots of friends, staying busy, and doing what everyone else told me I was supposed to do or how I was supposed to live.

I think we all know our own truths at a very young age. What we are supposed to do in this lifetime and what our true purpose is. But that light gets diminished over time and we start to believe everyone else knows our truths better than we do. We start to learn how to hide in plain sight. We become very good at “adapting” and playing the lead role in the play of what life is supposed to like. At least I know I did.

For me, beginning my own journey of self-discovery became very much like coming out of the closet. People had always told me I was smart, deep, thoughtful, an old soul starting at a very young age. That I could do so much with my life. But their perception of “so much I could do with my life” was not the same as what I would learn to be mine. It wasn’t going to college for 4 years to get a piece of paper saying I was officially labeled smart. It wasn’t getting some big-time career only to work all hours of the day to make endless amount of money while dying a little inside. It wasn’t having a husband with 2.5 children, a dog, a cat, and a lifetime of keeping up with the Jones’s. Don’t get me wrong; I am not bringing down any of that. I’m not judging those that do those things in their own lives. I just knew it wasn’t meant for me. That isn’t my perception of doing so much with my life. Those aren’t my truths. But it took doing some of those things to shove me onto the path of self-discovery and really finding out, or better yet, remembering, what my truths are. And when I discovered that truth, who I really was, I came running out of the closet. It may have taken awhile to get the courage to turn the knob. But once I cracked the door, there was no turning back……

It was not easy for me to tell the world who I really was. To really own it. Own my truths. In fact, I am still discovering how to do that better every day. But I remembered something the other day that I hadn’t thought about in a long time. About six months before I left my marriage and began a new life, out of the closet, I remember watching an episode of Oprah’s super soul series. She was interviewing Diana Nyad who I didn’t really know at the time but for some reason she really spoke to me. This woman is amazing to say the least but it’s something in particular she said that changed the course of my life. She had broken the record for swimming from Cuba to Florida nonstop. I believe it was a 56-hour swim or something crazy like that! She had other medals for long distance swims, but that was definitely her biggest. She is now in her late 60’s and was talking about how she thinks about the end of her life more now. She doesn’t believe in a God necessarily….in fact she even called herself an atheist. But she said, as death gets closer, and she reflects on her life, she doesn’t care about world records, or medals, or how much money she has accumulated, or how much fame she has. What she thinks about most is the kind of person she is and if she is really proud of who she is and what she represents and HOW she has lived her life. If she really showed up. That hit me hard in that moment. I had started down this path months before I watched that and was becoming much more self-aware. I asked myself the same question in that moment. It was a big fat mirror in my face. And what broke my heart, was that I KNEW I was not living a life I was proud of. I was not being the me I was proud of. I was not proud of what I was showing my kids life was like….or better yet a lack of what life could be. I was not living a life of purpose. I had this inner deep desire to make a difference in the world, to make my life “matter” and I wasn’t living anything close to that. It’s one thing to tell your kids they can do anything they want with their life, and happiness is more important than anything else, and a whole other thing to actually show them. I knew I wasn’t showing them.

It took me another 6 months after watching that to “come out”. But the reason I am telling that story is because I thought about it the other day and asked myself that question again. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for MYSELF at that moment. Because I could finally really and truly say I am proud of the person I am today, the way I live my life, what I show my kids is possible, and making a difference in the world just by showing up! I live by example and most definitely live a life of purpose. It has not always been a walk in the park but what a payoff!

We all have our own inner demons, our shadows, our closest to hide in. But just by taking one step out of them, and living fully in our truths, we are changing the world. Because all those people we think are or will judge us? Those are just our own judgments against ourselves. And by taking that step, we are telling our insecurities, our own internal self-hate, our own bullshit, no more. You will not give in to the self created fear. You will not listen to those voices anymore. We will only listen to the voices that ask if we are proud of the lives we live. Diana was just a voice inside of me asking the hard questions, urging me to make a move. Even now, I sometimes find those insecurities trying to sneak back in. Trying to keep me from showing the whole world who I am and what my gifts are. To really own them and myself. But I am readier now than ever.

So, world, watch out. The door is open. And I’m running out of the closet and never looking back…

source https://thefreedomproject222.com/confession-16/

Confessions #15

It has been almost three months since my last blog post and yet it almost feels like lifetimes. There have been so many changes internally and externally I practically feel like a different person!

I left my last post as a sort of cliff hanger for the next one regarding our Supernatural Tour. Since I can so easily get distracted that second post never came.

Because I would like to move on to some very important things I want to share, I’m going to stay with this short and brief description: Our Supernatural Tour was filled with complete LOVE and JOY. We made our way from Austin to Seattle and at every stop we were greeted with unconditional love, acceptance, and whatever help we needed to fulfill our mission of the trip! While we didn’t get as many interviews as I had planned, we created vortexes of love at every stop. We grew our “family” and made lasting relationships. We ended it in the most unbelievable way in Seattle, Wa with an amazing group of people, all together, in one house, for 2 days. We laughed, we loved, we cried, and most importantly, grew the energy of love. I realize now, THAT was my mission and purpose of the tour. To just be love and spread it at every stop we made. I’m so beyond grateful and humbled at all the amazing support and help we had to make that experience a once in a lifetime thing. And it certainly was!

Now on to part two…

I created a mind movie back in June of last year. If you don’t know what a mind movie is, I highly recommend looking it up and doing one. Basically, it is a live vision board. A movie you put together with music of your choice along with pictures and affirmations of exactly what you want in your life. Not only is it fun, it helps you to get VERY clear on what you want your life to look like. Most of the time, people can’t even get that step down. So they are subject to randomness in their life because they are too afraid to even ask for what they want. To get very clear on what they want. This is a great tool for you to do just that.

Anyways, I have since made another one, changing out some of the slides and different affirmations and music, but one slide has remained the same; “I help others through my blog posts”. When making this mind movie, I had been very active on my blog. Since then, many more doors have opened, other projects have come to front and center and my blog has taken a back seat. Which is why it is so important to continually update your mind movie as you expand.

In the past 4 days, I have received two very important emails from women that have read my blog. Women that are stuck in their lives and know they deserve more. I am reminded of why I started this blog in the first place and my deep desire to help women that are in a similar circumstance as I was.

This is coming at the same time as a project I am putting together with my partner and my very best friend. It all feels way too synchronistic…

I have been doing A LOT of inner work in the last three months. I mean, really getting dirty. Stepping outside of my comfort zones, going to those dark places inside, and taking leaps into the unknown. It hasn’t necessarily been easy, but the experiences I have had since December 1^st of last year are nothing I could have ever imagined in my wildest of dreams!

I can’t help to feel that it has all been to get me ready for this. To finally be ready to really let myself be shown and let what I have always known I had in me come out. To get beyond myself and my bullshit to REALLY affect others. Because it isn’t about me. It’s about the message of transformation and more importantly LOVE.

Through my experiences, I have come to realize that in the end, it really is all just about love. That is what we are all looking for and what we all want in our lives. Not love from another person; love for and from ourselves. True, unconditional love. But our programs, beliefs, and habits always get in the way and lead us to believe love comes from external sources. What a great way to keep us from looking inside where it has existed all along! I remember a quote from one of my spiritual teachers that went something along the lines of, “You want to be tricky, hide the divine in the one place humans will never look; inside themselves.”

There are MANY tools out there to help you move beyond those habits and programs. I am going to be sharing one that I am starting. But I will be the first and hopefully not the last to tell you, you should never stick to only one tool or one person that is teaching those tools. Use many. Use as many as you can. Expand yourself in every way possible. Keep digging to find that love inside of you that has always been there. If you dig deep enough, I promise you, you will find it. But we too easily can get trapped in comfort and habit. You find one tool that works, after a while, it too can become a habit. A program. Something for you to DO rather than to feel. A check mark off the list of things to do today.

Change is growth. Use something for a while to help you get rid of blocks, then add something else to it! If you aren’t in movement, you are stagnant. You can’t grow when you are stagnant. And remember, even the bad experiences are there for you to feel. We came here to feel those as well. Because it can get boring living in love and ecstasy all the time! We asked, Is there more, and that’s when more came. So, love those moments too. Know that you are experiencing them because you are ALIVE and that is all part of the experience. Because in the end, love transmutes everything! Nothing else can exist in love because love eats it all up. It is the very highest frequency. No disease, no bad emotion, no judgement, no hatred, no doubt, NOTHING can exist if you are in love.

With that being said, I know I am always guided to who and where I am supposed to be all the time. That doesn’t mean I always listen…. But I know that the compass is there inside of me, always, and it is up to me to listen to it or not. I have made some enormous changes in my life since September of 2017. Huge. But I have also gotten so much better at listening to my own internal compass, being open to where I am guided to be. Sometimes I haven’t understood why I was supposed to do certain things, but most of the time the answers come much later. When I am ready to see. And I now can see why certain people have come into my life and what I am supposed to do with them. I have always known that my partner and I were meant to change lives together. To spread the message of being able to jump into the unknown and trust in a future you may not be able to see right away. To spread the message of possibility and love.

There have also been an abundance of friends….or as I look at them, chosen family…that have come into my life since then as well. People that have held me up and loved me more than I could love myself in some moments. Held me and cried with me and laughed with me. Accepted me with no conditions. Those are the people I would choose every day for forever. I suppose I already have in many lifetimes before.

The point is, I have been lucky enough to also form partnerships in business with them and joined almost a team of transformation. Since I obviously am a strong believer in having many different pieces of the puzzle when it comes to tools, I want to work with different tools and techniques in assisting others to transform their lives. To find that love and connection inside of them.

So, I will be starting a 30-day, sort of a “scientific testing”….although that word is used VERY loosely! I will be working with my partners on this, to get an aspect of each of our teachings. The amazing part is, each of our three teachings build on each other. It starts with getting a new perspective on your whole world and life. A sort of paradigm shift in your reality. Then you will be led into a technique that will assist you in “cutting the connection” to old beliefs and emotions. The last step will include some heart opening and breath work to get the emotions out of your body. The three parts make up a sort of whole.

We’ll then host our first retreat in Cancun, where we will then add the Lucia light to the mix which will open up their connection to ourselves even more. Then we’ll go even deeper after clearing many old belief systems and stuck emotions.

My passion and dream and purpose in this life is to inspire others into change themselves. To show them through my living that it really is possible to live everything you want. To not have to live in fear or worry or stress or anything that keeps you from being happy. I feel I can do a small part of that by helping others with these seemingly simple steps. Change doesn’t have to be complicated. Love is not complicated. It is really very simple. You just have to be willing to take the first step.

I hope that you will join me in taking a step towards freedom in your own life. That you will say today, enough is enough. I am done with being a victim TO life and am 100% ready to become a creator OF life. There’s no better time for change then this moment…

source https://thefreedomproject222.com/confessions-15/

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